Worst of the worst...

So a friend of mine sent me a link to Virgin Medias, worst movies titles ever III.  Not one, not two, but three.  I looked through all three lists and found a few in each that reached above and beyond the others, so I have compressed the list here to MY favorite worst titles ever (Links included).

Zombie Strippers (2007)
Alright.  Now there is a reason why this made it on the list and Zombies, Zombies, Zombies And Strippers did not.  First of all, it is a more recent release and therefore has no excuse to be so poorly titled.  That would be as ridiculous as a famous pop culture icon of today (let's say Samuel Jackson) insisting on naming a movie some thing like...I don't know...Snakes on a Plane.  Secondly, I have personally seen the trailer for this movie and it lives up to it's name-in spades.  A taste of the dialogue:
Stripper 1 - "We can't hurt them, they're strippers like us!"
Stripper 2 - "Their Zombies"
Jenna Jameson - "Their Zombie Strippers!" Cocks Shotgun.
The last reason Zombie Strippers made the list is that it has Jenna Jameson in it, Q.E.D.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
Again, a few personal reasons for this one making the list:
1.)I actually watched it (or part of it) when I was a lot younger.
2.)The tagline baffles me more than the title.  I mean seriously?  Killer Klowns from Outer Space: okay.  It's descriptive and has some artsy alliteration.  But "In space no one can eat ice cream?"  What the Hell?
3.)In relation to point one: I don't remember much of the movie, but the one part that has stuck with me since childhood is one of the clowns hiding in a trash can and through a piece of popcorn on the ground.  Alien Popcorn.  The Alien Popcorn then grows into...something...uh...bad.  It was a long time ago, okay? I forget.

Surf Nazis Must Die! (1987)
Other than the fact that this was made in the year I was born, the cover itself is what secured it's place in this list.  I can handle a Nazi on a surfboard.  I can even deal with the machine gun, horse stance, and apparent metal crab claw.  But the chainsaw attached to the surfboard?  Now you have gone too far!

Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid (1986)
Aside from the fact that this title would have made me squirt water out of my nose (had I been drinking water at the time), I can only say one thing to this.

Yes.  Yes he does.

Killer Condom: The Condom that Rubs you Out (1997)
First of all, the title is actually relatively clever (relative to things like Surf Nazi's Must Die, of course).  That being said, how long of a movie can this be?  Sure, a killer condom with teeth will strike fear into the loins of any man, but then what?  After the condom kills it's first victim, what happens?  Nobody is going to put that condom on after that, it's been used.  That's just gross

Oh! My Zombie Mermaid (2004)
Not to be confused with Oh My!  Zombie Mermaid? I'm not sure what this movie is about, but the cover is just awesome.  As far as I can tell it's a tale about an ancient Chinese warrior who breaks into a castle to find his lover (a mermaid) being held captive by a blond haired zombie Mafia.  Overcome with rage he kicks something off screen to bring the movie to a resolution.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Santa With Muscles (1996)
Our Cream of the Crop for today.  I have personally watched this movie recently with my girlfriend.  It has all the necessary ingredients to be the best movie of all time.  It has Hulk Hogan, Santa Claus(Played By Hulk Hogan), a germophobic villain who wears a hazmat suit around, and an epic final battle between Hulk Hogan in his decked out (Bedazzled) Santa duds and said villain in the hazmat suit in an underground cavern beneath an orphanage with crystals that are unstable and prone to explosion being used as swords.

I shit you not.

And there you have it folks.