So, it's not new news that a bunch of old ladies set aside their knitting when Harry Potter became popular and began denouncing the books as tools of Satan. Now, while I completely agree with these people (This is a total lie), I think Harry Potter is threatening our way of life in a much more severe way. The people, places, creatures and spells of this magical world have permeated our society to such an extent that the true damage will be subtle and crippling to our world. Below I have outlined a few such instances.
Oh and I will not be including instances of children grabbing brooms and jumping off roofs. Even in the Potterverse people start on the ground. Your child isn't being influence by popular fiction: he's just stupid.
For those of you who don't know, Hydrofluoric acid (or HF) is an acid that just loves to react with Calcium. It is quickly absorbed through the skin and often the subject does not feel pain immediately. Now imagine it absorbing into your skin and dissolving all the bones in your arms. This is how tonights blog concept got started and here is how we imagined it (Granted, HF will react with the calcium in your blood and tissues to severe effect before it even reaches your bones, but nonetheless):
Lab assistant is rushed to the emergency room with a boneless arm.
Doctor-What happened?
Floppy-HF spilled all over my arm.
Doctor-I need calcium gluconate injections over here stat!
Floppy- bending his arm backwards No worries, just get some skele-gro and I'll be fine.
Doctor- What?
Floppy-Skele-gro. It's a potion that grows back the bones in your arms.
Doctor-That doesn't exist!
Floppy- Excuse me? They have it at Hogwarts.
Doctor- That doesn't exist either!
Floppy- So, I'm not going to get my bones back?
Doctor- You're going to die.
Floppy- Well, if I had known that, I would have worn my safety equipment...
Next, how long is it going to be before parents start naming their children after their favorite characters?
Daycare worker- leaning over to talk to a little boy. And what's your name?
Mother-His name's Albus Severus.
DW- what?
Mother - He was named after two of the greatest headmasters Hogwarts has ever known.
DW- It may not be my place to say ma'am, but do you want your son to get his ass kicked every
day?
Mother- scoffs. It's from Harry Potter. Everyone knows Harry Potter.
DW- Mmhmm. And do your remember the bullies from Harry Potter? Crabbe and Goyle? Were they known for their desire to read?
Mother- ...shit...
And finally, not appropriate for our younger audience members:
Girl- Daddy, where do babies come from?
Daddy- Well honey, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they have a thing called "sex" and make a baby.
Girl- I want to have sex with a horse!
Daddy-...
Girl- Then I'll make a centaur baby!
Daddy-...
Oh wait a second, we don't need Harry Potter's influence for that last one. We have Washington.
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To be fair to Harry Potter the kids jumping off things with brooms isn't a new phenomena. When they came out with Superman pajamas with detachable capes a few years ago kids did pretty much the exact same thing.
ReplyDeleteStudent: Hello, Assistant Dean, I'd like to talk to you about taking extra credits. It would be very helpful to my future scheduling to take an extra class this semester.
ReplyDeleteDean: No, I'm sorry, this is absolutely the max. We don't allow anyone over the limit.
Student: I'm sure I can handle it.
Dean: No. We won't allow you.
Student: Can't you just give me a Time-Turner?
Dean: What?
Student: I'm sure I can handle it, because then I can be in both classes at once doing my work. It'll be fine.
Dean: I know you're an art student, but that is the most drugged-out thing I've ever heard. Get out.
Student: It worked in Harry Potter.
Dean: Out!!