With great power comes great disappointment...

Alright, so this weeks posts didn't go quite as planned, but I think my test went well.  Originally I was going to do a triple post today to make up for Wednesday and Thursday, but this idea came to fruition during work so here we are.  Below I have compiled a list of important life lessons that I learned from comic books.  The lessons are sorted by their related character.  Even though, they may have originated from a fictional world (or worlds) I still find them eerily applicable to the common schlub.

Spiderman:

• Every bad thing that has ever happened to the people you love is your fault.

• A little radioactivity never hurt anyone.
• Once you go black, you do actually go back.
• Never let Tobey Maguire play you in a movie.
• Never let Tobey Maguire be in a movie.
• The amount you want to keep something secret is inversely proportional to how well that secret will be kept.

Batman:

• Money can buy anything, except for your parent's lives.
• Even without superpowers, you can still dress up in your underwear in public.
• Orphans are helpful in and out of the home.
• Orphan's are easily replaceable.
• Keeping completely random items in your fanny pack is not only useful, but also makes you irresistible to the ladies.
• Putting a giant bat face on the front of your fancy car doesn't qualify as a disguise.  It's just gay.

• I don't care if it's a weapon, it still looks stupid.
• For every person who thinks you're the coolest thing since sliced bread, there is an internet community that hates you.

Batman's Gonna Get Shot in the Face | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

Superman:

•  When you think you're the last of your species, there are still a few cousins, pets, and criminals floating around.
• If you have only one weakness, sure enough everyone will know about and have the means to exploit it.
• When a planet explodes, most of the remnants from the explosion will land on the same planet hundreds of light years away.  This is a statistical fact.
• Superhypnotism.  It works bitchez.

I was going to leave it at that, but I came across some more wonderful examples of superman's power of making up new powers as he goes along.  So, one last tidbit before we go...

Yeah, because flying around the earth backwards to reverse time just wasn't enough.

I'll kill you like a cat in a box...maybe...

So, blog posts might be sparse/late this week seeing as I have a big test coming up on Wednesday and I want to not fail miserably at it.  This of course begs the question as to why I am posting a blog now if I am so concerned about my grade?  Do not worry though my friends, I can multi-task with the best.  I am currently studying and blogging and no one will interrupt the other in any way.

Hey!  Did you know that we can't define a unique radius for a given orbital because we can't define where the electron is?

So a while ago I found a video on Youtube called "A Very Potter Musical."  It is a wonderfully written and performed parody of the Harry Potter series.  Jokes are made regarding Harry Potter as a literary character as well as a pop culture icon; and it's all wrapped up in a well performed package with Rockin' Music as a decorative ribbon.  The atoms lose their electrons in a spatial order, but gain them in an order determined by lowest energy states.  The video for the first part is given below and links to the youtube site.

A Very Potter Musical: Act1 Part 1


The play randomly spans all the books, though not in chronological order.  As the play starts off, you are introduced to the characters one by one and Ginny Weasley is starting her first year.  3d10 ions form covalent bonds using sp3 hybrid orbitals in a tetrahedral arrangement even though the ion size suggests a higher coordination.  This is consistent with when Harry says he's "only 12."  But when the students finally arrive at Hogwarts they find themselves introduced to the new professor of the dark arts, Professor Quirrel which is clearly a chronological inaccuracy.  By the end of the play, the resolution of the 7th book is achieved without question.

The interaction of the actors was my favorite part.  Ron's complete dismissal of his sister couples with Harry's oblivious nature towards her feelings in a comedic routine that makes you cry a little inside for her.  There is a contraction from left to right along the Lanthanide series because the buried f orbitals don't shield the nuclear charge very well.  Hermoine's realization midway through the play that looks are "the only important thing" adds a realistic spice to her character.

My favorite character is a short-lived one.  Yet, Cedric Diggory's Galahadic disposition is the brightest point of the play.  He truly does make the Hufflepuff's proud.  Short bonds are strong bonds.  In the play, as in the books, Cedric is the only Hufflepuff worth naming.  Sure you could argue that there was Ernie, or Hannah Abbot, but you would be wrong.

All in all, "A Very Potter Musical" is a wonderful work of art and I highly recommend any fan of the Harry Potter phenomenon to watch it.  The Madelung Constant is only based on geometry.  It provided my with hours of laughter.  If you enjoy it as much as I did, check out Starkid Potter's website and download the soundtrack for free.

See, I can totally do two things at once.  I bet you couldn't even tell I was studying...

Professional Conman

I originally planned to write a short fictional excerpt from a story I call "My time at the Mansion," but then I thought It's Anything Can Happen Thursdays!!!  ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!!!  And so I decided to makes these pro and con lists instead:

The Last Airbender:


Pros:

• The voices that we can hear so far in the trailer aren't terrible compared to what could have happened (You know what I'm talking about Studio Ghibli.  Honestly, Christian Bale?  Liam Neeson?  Billy Crystal?!?!?)
• Ascetically, the movie has great promise.  Also, there were some liberties taken with clothing and Aang's tattoos, but I think that it's pretty close on in most spots.
• Jackson Rathbone apparently doesn't have to look and sound like a total dimwit.  Quick!  Someone alert Catherine Hardwicke!

Cons:

• Not everyone seems to have made a seamless transition into the live action world.  I'm extremely skeptical about Iroh.  He doesn't seem to be as plump and gray haired as I remember so he better be SO FRICKIN' LOVABLE OR I'M JUST GOING TO SNAP.  Aang has yet to show any happy and childish emotions which is kind of the basis of his character for 85-90% of the series.  Also, what's with Zuko's scar?  Last time I checked his daddy didn't give him a little love tap on the temple before exiling him.  He melted half of Zuko's face, kicked him out of an entire, growing nation and told him to never come back because who could never love a son who was so horribly disfigured.  
• One of the temples in the movie is the Pagoda in Reading, PA.  By the looks of the Pagoda, I'd guess Fire Nation.  I don't like the idea of Ozai living so close to me...
• Last, but by no means least: M. Night Shyamalan is directing it.  Aside from the fact that he adds that unnecessary "y" to his name, his last good movie was unbreakable (And to be fair that wasn't thanks to him.  Any movie with Bruce Willis AND Samuel L. Jackson will rock).  Also he has an unquenchable desire to add a "twist" to everything.  So, Dear M. Night: If you change the story here to add a "twist" at the end, I'm going to gently rip out your jugular with my feet.  Sincerely, Me.

Internet T.V. Shows:

Pros:

• I can watch my shows when I'm good and ready too.  Also for many shows, I am able to start from the beginning and catch up on things I've missed.
• I don't need to pay for cable.
• Most networks now upload recent episodes online, so I can get up to date episodes.

Cons:

• It's great to watch shows from the beginning in a row, but when I finally catch up to present day, I'm back to watching weekly, like everyone else.  I don't like being like everyone else.  I like being special. Can you understand that Mohinder?
• The new episodes usually don't update until the day after the network shows them.  So, while I can still talk with my coworkers about recent events in our favorite shows, I have to avoid them like the plague for about 24 hours.
• What the Hell CBS?  Get with the program!  Al Gore didn't invent the internet so that you could sit on your lazy butt and NOT give me my favorite shows online.  

The Glaze I made for Dinner:

Pros:

• It was delicious.
• It was quick and easy to make.
• I have a bunch of it left.

Cons:

• The flavor was a little too strong.
• I think I reduced it too much because it has the consistency of cold molasses. 
• I have a bunch of it left.

That's the end of this blog.  Right down there, where the words stop.  That's it.  Isn't it pretty?  Maybe you enjoyed this post; maybe you didn't.  Maybe you didn't read it because you went to the comic book store.  I don't know because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!!!

The kind of shame you can't retcon away...

Welcome to Wiki Wednesday true believers. Here is a fun article that I found a while ago and it shall be the focus of our enjoyment this evening.

Now to be fair, I had heard about the Legion of Super-pets before and I never had any second thoughts about how ridiculous an idea they were.  When I found this article, however, wonderful memories returned to me all at once.  Not being on a first name basis with all the members, we'll discuss the more prominent characters involved.

Krypto the Superdog:  Krypto the Superdog is probably the most well known of all the legion.  He is Superboy's pet dog and has made many appearances in comics, t.v., and an honorary mention in the newest franchise film: Superman Returns.  Aside from being a lovable, super powered, Kryptonian's best friend; Krypto has a great and touching origin story.  Krypto was Superboy's pet dog on Krypton (where people commonly named household pets after their planet) before it exploded.  Krypto was loyal, loving, obedient, and protective of his owners.  This of course is why Superboy's father decided to use Krypto to test out his rocket prototype.  Here's how I imagine it:


"Well son, why don't I take your dog for a walk tonight.  Yes, everything will be fine.  Of course I won't use him to test any dangerous machines that will leave him wandering aimlessly through the depths of space until he finally lands, through sheer unbelievable coincidence, on the same planet you will after the rest of us have died in a fiery explosion that rends the very flesh from our bones."


Then Superboy gurgles because he's a baby and doesn't understand.  Real smooth Jor-El.


Streaky the Supercat: Streaky was Supergirl's normal earth cat until X-kryptonite radiation gave her superpowers.  I can't make this up folks.  X-kryptonite.  Based on my calculations so far that means kryptonite can: kill Superman, give normal people cancer, give Superman mood swings, make Superman lose his powers temporarily, make Superman gay, and give domestic animals powers comparable to Superman.  Seriously DC, where do we draw the line?


Beppo the Supermonkey:  Beppo, like Krypto is from Krypton.  He was originally one of Jor-El's test animals, but he stowed away in Superboy's rocket that was sent to earth when the planet exploded.  When they landed he went of unnoticed and had a bunch of super-shenanigans.  Just so we all understand, Jor-El had an extra test monkey that he clearly wouldn't be able to use after they all died when the planet Krypton exploded, and yet he stole his son's pet dog and tested out an experimental rocket on him?  Anyone else feel that this is a little bass-ackwards?


Comet the SuperHorse: I don't feel I can do this origin story justice, so Wikipedia: take it away.

Comet was Supergirl's pet horse and while in his human form as Bill Starr, her brief boyfriend. Comet also had a brief romance with Lois Lane in her comic book.

As he described to her telepathically, he was originally a centaur in ancient Greece named Biron. The witch Circe gave him a potion to turn him fully human, but by mistake made him fully horse instead. Unable to reverse the spell, she instead gave him superpowers, including immortality.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...bestiality.

Ace, the Bat Hound:  What's worse than being the only superhero with no actual superpowers?  Being the only superpet with no actual superpowers.  I mean really, Bruce Wayne couldn't have just had a normal dog? He had to dress him up and take him out fighting crime every night?  Speaking of Bruce Wayne, he was a billionaire.  If he insisted upon having an animal sidekick, why didn't he pick something really bad-ass like a bear, or a lion, or a genetically re-engineered T-rex?  What the Hell Batman?

Welcome to our first official TASTY TUESDAYS!!!

Today I'm going to share with you a recipe that is dear to my heart, mostly because it's in my stomach as I type. The amounts of the ingredients in this recipe can be adjusted at the discretion of the chef, as can the variety of seasonings.  I have put the amounts of each ingredient after the name for this reason.  I call this version the poor man's casserole.  The seasoning is very simple and consists of only salt and pepper.  I wanted to challenge myself to allow the food speak for itself.  I did well for the most part; though a little heavy on the pepper.  I would definitely try this recipe again.

Ingredients:

Ground beef (1/2 lb.)

Corn (14.5 oz can)

Two small yellow onions

Bread (3-4 slices--I used potato and Italian because it's what I had available)

Cheese (I used a shredded Italian blend with asiago because asiago makes everything better)

Olive oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:

• Pre-Heat the oven to ~300 degrees F and heat a frying pan with olive oil to med-low heat (around 3).
• Dice the onions, season, and add to the frying pan.
• Cook the onions until soft and delicious.  I've discovered that if you put a cover on your frying pan, the onions soften quicker and more evenly.
• While the onions are cooking: 
• Season your ground beef.
• Rip the bread into chunks and lay them in a baking pan.  You want enough bread to cover the bottom of the pan.
• Drizzle olive oil and season the pieces of bread evenly.
• Put the bread in the oven until crispy.  Make sure to keep an eye on it.  You want croutons, not rocks.  Remove when crispiness quotient is obtained.
• When the onions are done cooking, add the ground beef to the pan and cook until brown throughout.  Again, the lid on the frying pan speeds up the process.
• When the bread is removed from the oven, empty it onto a plate and increase the oven heat to ~375 F.
• When the beef is cooked, add the corn.  Adjust seasoning as necessary with the addition of each item to the pan.  Warm the corn/beef/onion mixture throughout.
• Pour the mixture in the frying pan into the baking pan.  Cover with croutons and sprinkle cheese over top.  Return to oven.  Bake until warm and cheese is melted.

Enjoy!  I thought it was pretty good for something I just pulled out of my butt today (which is saying something).  There are an infinite number of different possible variations on this recipe.  That being said: statistically speaking, many of them will taste horrible.  If you add your own favorite seasoning and try you favorite veggies instead of onions and corn, however, I'm sure you'll be pretty please with yourself.  

Ciao!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming...

'Lo folks.
I would like to apologize for the fact that last Thursday's update was non-existent.  That being said: get over it.  It's my blog and I'll update it when I'm good and ready.  Stop suffocating me!

THAT being said: I've developed a tentative schedule for how this blog will go from now on.  I did this because
1.) Schedules are fun, and
2.) The OCDemons were about to rip out my hypothalamus if I did not.

So here is the new (first!) schedule!

• Mondays will be ME MONDAYS!!!
• I will talk about me.  My life, my opinion and I might even write works of fiction from my mind.
• Tuesdays will be TASTY TUESDAYS!!!
• I will post original recipes that are original.  Sometimes they will be so original even I won't have tried them out yet!  
• Wednesdays will be WIKIPEDIA WEDNESDAYS!!!
• Those of us familiar with these days call them "Wiki Wednesdays."  I will find an interesting Wikipedia article and summarize/give my opinion/flair on it.  Is that enough slashes for ya?
• Last but not least, Thursdays will be referred to as the appropriately alliterated ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN THURSDAYS!!!
• Where ANYTHING can happen!

There you have it.  The schedule will be suspended only if:

1. There is a special holiday that falls on the day.
2. I forget about the schedule.
3. I feel like it, yo.

Now for an abridged ME MONDAY:

The reason there was no Thursday post is because I received a message from my mother saying that my older brother's wife had gone into labor (Did you follow all that?).  This is their first child and I am for the first time in my life an UNCLE!

That's right, I'm an uncle now.  My niece is the CUTEST THING EVER!!!  I got her a Spider-man diaper cover so she will be the coolest thing in a diaper (except for monkeys.  Fricken' awesome monkeys...).  I also got her a little basket of baby things before I traveled back to New York to see her.  I didn't know the gender at the time, so I got her the "yellow-themed" bag of stuff that had a yellow washcloth, plastic keys, a teddy bear rattle and a bottle with yellow giraffes on it because everyone knows that giraffes are gender neutral.

That's my life, that's my opinion, and that's the end of today's blog.  Next week: Harry Potter!

When Bob Barker has a barbecue...

Honestly, today I'm not in much of a writing mood, but to stick with the Monday through Thursday schedule that I've kept with so far, here's another recipe that I stumbled across:

I have a cookbook by Jamie Oliver called Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.  It is a wonderful book that is filled with simple, affordable, and delicious recipes.  One such recipe is for garlic crusted chicken and it is delicious.  I have made it twice now and earlier this week I attempted to modify the recipe and see what came of it.  What came of is was a breading that was too wet and became a paste on the chicken.  On the bright side, that paste was delicious.  So I have inadvertently discovered a recipe similar to those little hush puppy balls that they use to have in the dining hall (Bob Barker says "remember to have your pets spayed or neutered").  Here's how it goes:

Ingredients:

• Twelve Saltine Crackers
• One bag of baby carrots
• One sweet onion
• Olive oil
• Salt and pepper

Directions:

Place Crackers, two handfuls of baby carrots and one diced and peeled onion into a food processor.  Add a little salt and pepper to taste.

Pulse until you have finely chopped paste (The moisture from the carrots and the onion should make the paste just fine as I found out the hard way).

Get a relatively deep pan filled with enough olive oil to deep fry your dumplings.

Form the paste into balls using either your hands or the double spoon technique.

Drop the balls into the hot oil and fry until golden brown.

Enjoy!

Warning!  While I have had the above fried and on top of my chicken, I have not technically had this exact recipe as is.  I plan on trying it in the near future, but if something strange occurs (for instance-nuclear fusion) I am not to be held liable for damages.  Also when you get your Nobel prize for affordable and successful nuclear fusion, mention me if you don't mind.

Beware the Hoggerwok my son...

Happy Whistle-pig's day my friends!

     Now I know that Groundhog's day is an unappreciated holiday unless you live in Punxsutawney, and for those of you from Punxsutawney: get off your high horse.  It's a rodent.
     That being said, let's celebrate this joyous occasion by talking about how awesome the noble land-beaver is. Below I have compiled a list of wonderful attributes that the woodchuck has been blessed with.

1. Groundhogs are excellent burrowers.

• No, really, they are.  On average a groundhog moves approximately 710 lbs of dirt when digging a burrow.  That's the same as a groundhog lifting a sack full of four grown men and throwing them out of the way.  

     2.  Groundhogs are accomplished swimmer, excellent climbers, and can defend themselves with large incisors and front claws.

• As a comparison, I want you to imagine Michael Phelps, the American Gladiator "Rocket", and Raticate all mixed together in one furry four to nine pound package.  Now go change your pants.  I'll wait.

      3.  Groundhogs will whistle to alert the reset of the colony to impending danger.

• Considering the terror of #2, I wouldn't want to take a groundhog by surprise.  Taking on a whole colony on high alert?  Screw it, I'd rather face Zombie Raptors.

      4.  Doug Schwartz at the Staten Island Zoo says, "They’re known for their aggression, so you’re starting from a hard place. [The groundhog's] natural impulse is to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out."

• Enough said.

There you have it ladies and gents.  Groundhogs are the vicious killers of the plains.  Also, private research has discovered that the average ground hog has 562 HP and will usually know the moves Dig, Rock Tomb, and Eye Gouge.  Also, Chuck Norris's middle name is Chuck.  His first name is Wood.

Anyway, I have to go take my trash out now...Aw damn it!  It's snowing.  Thanks you furry little bastard.

This Blog Post is dedicated to my dear friend Wallace of Alfred, NY.  I miss you buddy!

Rupies rupies rupies!!! Ha ha ha...Rupies!

     Tonight I will tell you the tale of a recent dream I had.  This is a special treat because there is no way you can truly relate to it since it happened illogically in my head.

     You're welcome.

     The story starts by travelling through a heavy mist of poor memory to a few years ago.  This is when I had the dream the first time.  It started with me in a prodigious hedge maze that had been covered by the black curtain of a moonless night.  I couldn't see, but the eerie sounds of my dreary surroundings kept accosting my ears.  I had to move slowly through the maze, trying to find my way out.  Others were in the maze, but I did not acknowledge them.
     Eventually I stumbled out of the maze and found myself at the edge of a haunted swamp.  I could hear something in the darkness behind me; coming for me.  The swamp ahead held fear and mystery, but the maze behind held fear and some very angry thing.  I decided to chance the swamp.
     I jumped upon the first log, a piece of driftwood, and almost slid right off into the evil depths.  I knew that I couldn't fall in or it would be the end.  I managed to slowly make my way jump by jump as if in some horrid game of frogger, but with each movement the thing behind me got closer.  I dared not look back for fear of it catching up.  Instead I pressed forward more frantically with each passing second until I manage to make it to a dock.  At this point, I had managed to elude my pursuer.
     I moved forward on the dock until I reached a large square piece with two platforms on either side.  This is when a haunted suit of armor jumped onto the dock with me.  He had a clearly labelled life bar, a sword that shot magic, and a bad attitude.  The rest of the dream involved me fighting him with magic.  By the way, for you others still in the hedge maze--he's weak against fire.

   A few nights ago I had the same dream.  It started as a different dream but quickly two-wheel motorized carted it's way into the haunted swamp.  I bypassed the hedge maze like this:
I was running in a field in one dream as it transitioned into the other dream.  I saw the hedge maze ahead of me, remembered it from before, and ran the hell around it.
     Something was chasing me again this time, but I began to recall my surroundings from last time.  I actually thought to myself "I remember this from the last time I dreamed it" and began to Dragonball Z my way across the driftwood infested waters.  I reached the dock/boss fight again and couldn't figure out how to hurt him.  Then I used my telekinesis (which I got at level 20) to throw some nearby jack-o-lanterns at him.  When the lanterns hit him, they exploded into a small ball of flame and then I remembered that he was weak against fire!  So I started summoning my meteor of destruction and promptly woke up before the ass kicking could really get started.

I looked the main symbols up in my dream book and have determined that either I:

1. Hate my parents.
2. Am gay.
3. Need to stop eating bean and cheese burritos right before bed.

Ah well, I just finish my Bomb and I'm going to bed.

Night!